Pick yourself up, dust yourself off ...

Much has been going on in the past few days, I have to admit. My brain has been reeling with the phrases, "suck it up ... don't complain ... other people have it worse ... square the shoulders and smile ... you'll be fine ... no one likes a whinger ... keep going." You see, my mom died a couple of years ago during this time of the year. I'm not accustomed to talking about her death with anyone, much less writing about the loss, so this is a first. Putting it to "virtual paper" could possibly prove to be cathartic. That remains to be seen.

I do recall my final Thanksgiving at the "ol' homestead" four years ago. As usual, mom loaded me up with tons of leftovers, being sure to double check that nothing was left behind and ask me if there was anything else I needed (tp, canned goods, paper towels, soft drinks, etc.). She never wanted me to go empty handed. With a word of reassurance that the leftovers were more than enough, I gave her a hug then headed back to my place. It didn't sink in until I was on the outskirts of my hometown, about to turn onto the highway, that I realized we just celebrated our final Thanksgiving in the house I grew up for the majority of my young adult life. I had to pull the car over on the side of the road because I couldn't see. Thankfully, there was no traffic as I sat there bawling like a baby. After a few minutes, I was able to compose myself for the hour and fifteen minute trip back to my place. That was such a long drive. After putting the leftovers away, I called mom to let her know I was safe and sound.

I think what keeps me going is remembering how she kept going. She was a fighter with a sharp mind and great sense of humor. Never once did I ever see her downtrodden. She was never over the top with her humor, kindness, or outlook on life. She had a big heart but didn't overdramatize/gush. She was the epitome of sincerity and simplicity. I was extremely blessed to have such a loving and understanding mother. Yes, I know every single one of us has at least one enemy; however, I can't think of anyone who didn't like her. When she initially became ill, there was such an abundance of community support that it was a bit overwhelming. Since I live so far away now, it's difficult to remain connected. I do have one older sister who resides in a neighboring state but have only talked to her a couple of times since mom died. That's another issue for a potential future post. LoL!

In the midst of all of the emotion this past week, I've been sending in job applications. Since dh's hours were significantly cut, job hunting has proven to be more stressful. There's only so much a person can do/control. For some reason, the term "batshit" comes to mind. I sure don't want to get to that point, and really, I can't see that happening. I think of what mom would tell me. She would say, "You're doing the right thing. Keep applying and something will happen. Whatever you do, I just want you to be happy."